PROYOUTH 1

Crisis? Who wants it anyway? Pero dumarating na lang siya… Sabi nga sa Book of Ecclesiasticus: “My son, if you aspire to serve the Lord, prepare yoursel for an ordeal.” (Ecc. 2:1) Haaay naku…! Kaya naman pala… Kaya naman pala dumarating ang pagsubok sa buhay ko at siguro marami pa ang darating! It is so sad to see your classmates one by one leaving the seminary. Then after some years seeing them already with their wives and kids… Masasaya! Parang nakakainggit! hehehe… But I did not regret in any way in my decision to give my life totally to Christ. Mahirap… pero masaya! Dumating ang matinding crisis sa buhay ko just these past years in my priestly ministry. Korek ka jan! Pari na ko… when I reflected on my life. Ano na ba ang nangyayari sa kin? I pledge to give myself totally to God but I’m keeping alot of attachments for myself! Material things, friendships… persons… a special someone? Yes! Nainlove ako? I would be a hypocrite if I will say no! At least narealize ko… aba! Tao rin pala ako! Nakakadama rin pala ako ng pag-ibig. At kung minsan nakakalimot sa sarili… Nakakalimutan kung sino ako! It is God’s grace that really saved my vocation. I confronted myself and asked: “Lord, mahal ba kita?” The answer i got is not from me but from Him: “Oo… MAHAL KITA!” I asked myself but it is God who answered. I realized that it is not a sin to love other people… but it would be an act of ingratitude to refuse a God who is offering His love… With that I decided. I made my fundamental option to accept His offer of love and follow Him more closely… My fear is… what if ever i will fail him again? I heard him whisper… “My love and grace is enough for you… fear not!” (and drama ko na! Konting tyaga na lang sa pagbabasa… conclusion na next time!)

in short nilibang ko yung sarili ko at kinalimutan ko muna yung pagkakaroon ng girlfriend hanggang…. hanggang naging Salesiano ako. I made my first profession April 1, 1987. I professsed for 3 yearsbut the intention is always to give my life forever to God! When I doned the cassock, I realized the tremendous responsibility of making this symbol of my being religious immaculate. Di ko na sinusuot ngayon ang original cassocks ko (obvious ba ang laki ko na ngayon no? hehe) but the meaning of it was impressed vividly on my mind. “Rather not I but Christ’s lives in me!” This was also our motto in our 1st profession and investiture. The cassock is not a magical outfit that gave me extraordinary powers! I realized that under this white robe a weak and fragile young man exists. Makasalanan pa rin, natutukso, nagkakamali… Masarap ang pakiramdam pag nakasutana pero mahirap pala alagaan ito. I have to struggle very hard to keep it as immaculate as posssible. In my stumblings and failures I realized that “God is faithful and merciful.” I made my perpetual vows knowing that in my weakness God is strong! That was May 24, 1995… At last I am a full pledge Salesian. Love life… I have found my True Love and nothing can take it away from me… yes… some crises came on my way… sa part 4 naman ang sharing nun! (bitin uli… hehehe)

“Father, nagkagirlfriend ka rin ba?” Ang sagot ko sa tanong na ya eh: “Grabe! Wala ka bang tiwala sa mukhang ito?!!” hehehe… I entered the seminary at a tender young age of 15. Kakatapos ko lang ng 2nd year High School sa Tondo. 3rd year… simula pa lang ng pagkakaroon ng tunay na crush at pagsibol ng lovelife… hehehe. Sigurado ako, nagkaroon ako ng “crush” bago ako pumasok ng seminaryo. Yung talagang matinding crush ha? hehehe… Kung baga sa kotse… piping-pipi ang harapan! hehe. But I have to choose between my crush and my calling. I choose the latter thinking na puede din namang magkaroon ng crush kahit na nasa loob ng seminaryo! Switik! hehehe… But as I go through my formation naisip ko na it would be unfair to God kung “mamamangka ako sa dalawang ilog!” Sabagay, super higpit sa seminaryo namin nun. Ang sulat chinicheck! Ang telephone nakakandado! Cellphone… di pa uso nun no? hehehe. Kaya sabi ko… di muna ako magkakagirlfriend. Crush??? hmmmm… Di naman masama ang humanga! Pero hanggang dun lang muna! So i spent my youthful years in the seminary serious in my studies, developing my talents, doing interesting hobbies, of course deepening my spiritual life… in short nilibang ko yung sarili ko at kinalimutan ko muna yung pagkakaroon ng girlfriend hanggang…. (uuups hanggang jan lang muna! Ibibitin ko muna kayo! hehehe…)

“Father, bakit ka nagpari?” “Nagkagirlfriend ka rin ba?” “Masaya ka ba sa buhay mo?” Quite intriguing questions ha? hehehe… I will satisfy your curiosity by narrating to you my vocation story. Medyo mahaba kaya Part 1 pa lang ito. Well in general vocation story is a matter of “finding where your heart is”… kung saan ka masaya! I’m 8 years in my priesthood and 18 years as a Salesian Religious… at naisip ko minsan kung bakit ba ito ang buhay na pinili ko? I could have already my own family with a gorgeous wife and cute kidz! hehehe… and not to mention ang pangarap ko dati is to be an architect at may sideline pa as an artist (hindi artista ha? Pero puwede rin… hehe) But now in reality sometimes I find myself alone… and sometimes these thoughts keep bugging my mind. And you know what I realized? I never regreted that memorable moment of April 1, 1987 (when I made my 1st profession) where I said “Yes!” to the call of God to be a Salesian. Hindi ko rin pinanghihinayangan ng mag perpetual profession ako nung March 24, 1995 and of corz… my ordination, Dec. 7, 1996 where I’m consectrated as God’s priest. These are “leaps of faith” that I conciously and willingly took and I asked myself why now I thought of taking back my promises. Hindi naman siguro nagkamali si Lord when he planted in me this seed of vocation though I always feel that unworthiness. I realized that if ever that happens i have nothing to blame but myself… kasalanan ko kasi hindi ko inalagaan. I did not nurture this seed of vocation that God planted in me. Bakit ba ako nagpari? I searched my heart for a convincing answer and I realized that it is not because of my love for the mission. Hindi ako nagpari dahil sa mga tao.. sa magulang ko, sa mga kaibigan ko, kahit na sa mga kabataang pinaglilingkuran ko… I am a priest only because of HIM…. without God, I’m a nobody! And If in my priesthood now I do things without this conviction then all that I’m doing is useless… Siya lang ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagpari… Haaayy medyo mabigat na. Just wait for the part 2… mas historical yon. I will recount how it all started… Basta masasabi ko lang MASAYA AKO sa buhay ko. Dapat ikaw masaya rin! Ok ba?